"My power is made perfect in weakness"

I am going to be honest, this past month has been the hardest month for me to date. I have gone through so many highs and lows and it has left me feeling completely exhausted. I, like many others, for most of my life have tried to be perfect and have came up short every single time. I try so hard to be the "perfect daughter," the "perfect Christian," the "perfect student," the "perfect friend." I have learned lately that when you strive for perfection, you are going to end up disappointed every.single.time, because there is always going to be something that you are not perfect at-you might even be terrible at it. 

My entire life (literally) I have said (you can ask anyone that is close to me and they can vouch for this) "I can't wait to be an "adult" and go to college and just GET ON WITH MY LIFE!" I have said this since I was like 11. Gosh, I didn't know what I was saying. The reason I put adult in quotation marks is because honestly, I do not feel like an adult. I have always thought, "When I am 18, I will have it ALL together!" *insert laughing..and crying* I am 18 and feel like I had it more together when I was young and saying that then I do right now. In reality, when you get to be 18, the world really does think of you as grown. You are expected to do well in college, have a job, maintain your relationships (which I suck at), and still sometime have time for yourself.

I made a post on my Instagram the other day about college and I tried to be as raw and authentic as I could. I talked about how I am in remedial math and how I am still struggling with that. The whole entire time that I have been struggling with that- I also have been going through deep anxiety and depression the past month. I got to a point where I thought God hated me and that I was never going to make it through the rut I was in. I am still overcoming that. I also kept thinking negative things like, "how am I ever going to be a good nurse and help people if I can't even do this math." I then thought, "I really thought that nursing was God's calling on my life, what if I am not doing what He actually wanted me to do and that is why I am failing." The cycle just goes on and on and on until you feel like a zombie walking around trying to keep it together. 

It is impossible to be the "perfect" anything. There will always be someone smarter, etc. etc. If we were all perfect, then there would be no need for Jesus to die for us. Thank God that Jesus does not expect us to be perfect. Of course, we should all try our hardest but eventually we are going to mess up (some more than others and I put myself into this category.) When I was younger, I also thought it was cool to keep all your emotions bottled up and if anyone saw them then they would think that you were weak. (I still struggle with this.) But honestly, it is so much cooler to let your emotions out and be authentic. 

Remember when you were in school and the teacher would say something like, "Any questions on this class?" *crickets* "None at all? This is kind of a hard concept, don't be scared to ask, there are probably a lot more students thinking the same question you are that are also just as scared to ask." It is kind of like that. No one wants to talk about their trials and tribulations, but the thing is-there are so many others most likely going through the same thing but they are equally scared to talk about them and you being open about it could really help them. 

I think of the story of Peter (he is for sure one of the Bible characters that I can relate to in a lot of ways). It is a little lengthy but worth the read and I will wrap it up afterwards:

(Matthew 14:22)

"And straightway Jesus constrained His disciples to get into a ship, and to go before Him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away, He went into a mountain to pray: and when the evening was come, He was there alone. But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered Him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And He said, come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth His hand, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"

When Peter was focused on Jesus, he literally could walk on water. When Peter took his eyes off of Jesus, he fell. When Peter had faith, he walked. When Peter had fear, he fell. Same thing with us. When we are focused on the world, we fall. When we are focused on Jesus- we are "more than conquerors." (Romans 8:37-39)

So as you go throughout the rest of this week and the rest of the year- try not to focus so hard on trying to be perfect and focus on the One who already is. 

Paul wrote, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)







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